Day 15 - Disneyland, Etc.

I saved all my 35 weekly points so I could eat with wild abandon while I was away this weekend, and I did. I started with a breakfast at the Sugar Shack Cafe which consisted of a biscuit topped with scrambled eggs, smoked sausage, and then smothered in gravy. I didn't even TRY to calculate the points. For lunch, my vegetarian husband gave me his conference hot dog, and while he was in a seminar I snuck off to Starbuck's for a Venti Cinnamon Dolce Latte (YUMMY - Buy one today.)

For dinner, we went to Tortilla Jo's at Downtown Disney where I ate about half a basket of fresh and still warm tortilla chips and the best guacamole ever, and a very large taco salad (although I did get it with grilled chicken and dressing on the side and only ate a few bites of my shell...

Sunday, we found an "All You Can Eat" Sunday Brunch. I am relatively certain they lost money on me. I paid $6.99 and am pretty sure I ate at least 10 bucks worth of food. Then we walked around Disneyland, and then over to Disney California where we stood in line for nearly 2 hours for a really dumb 30 second new ride. We drove home in the afternoon, and ordered a pizza, and I ate a couple of slices of that, too...

Monday morning I got on the scale expecting to have gained back all the weight I lost, and - lo and behold, I actually lost a pound. I asked my husband how that could possibly be, and he reminded me that we had probably walked 10 miles around Disneyland, so I guess that crap they tell us about exercise points actually works!

I may actually think about regular exercise. Note I said "think" about it, not "do" it. I'm mildly considering not being so lazy.

Day 12 - Learning to Feel Hunger

I weighed myself this morning and lost another 1/2 a pound. Every little bit helps.

Realized this morning I am actually learning and changing things about myself...

On the Weight Watcher's plan I am doing, hunger is the key issue. They give you a scale of 1-5 to gauge how hungry you are, and when to start eating and when to stop eating. Since in the past, I kept eating all the time regardless of whether or not I was full. So this is a transition. Like Saturday Night we went out to have Mexican food, and I actually pushed my plate away with food still on it!! My food was delicious and in the past I would have said "I'm full but this is so good I can't stop eating it." to now learning to say to myself "Your hunger has ended. You are full, stop eating and push the plate away."

This morning I came in and everyone is eating stuff left from the Board meeting last night, and I wanted to eat because everyone else was eating, but I wasn't hungry, so I went back to my desk. A few minutes ago, my stomach started growling and Okay - I'm registering actual physical symptoms on the hunger scale, so now I can eat. So I went to the fridge and got myself some fat free cottage cheese and mixed it with some fat free yogurt and fruit. Yum. Completely bypassed the buffet table of cookies that is set up.

Every time I make the right choice, I get so happy with myself, but I am mentally rehearsing (a thing from class) this weekend when I go to the Ranger conference and they are selling Krispy Kremes and I am hungry and I don't have my cottage cheese in the fridge. How will I handle it? How can I avoid being in that position? and I realize I don't have to make that choice once, but keep making that choice every day until I hit my goal weight. I am not going to beat myself up if I choose to have a donut this weekend, but by the same token, I have at least thought it out and said "Buy some Weight Watcher's Muffins or bars and take them in your purse." so I have an escape route should I choose to use it. That's progress for me.

Day 11

I have skipped a few days of writing as I wanted to wait to get back on track before diving back in. After I got weighed Saturday, I celebrated by going to breakfast at the beach with my husband Jeff and our friend David. I didn't have diet breakfast either, I had pancakes and bacon. I only mentioned those as the eggs have zero points and are "Core" food. And on Sunday we had a bottle of wine left from a Christmas gift basket and I didn't want to let worrying about points keep me from enjoying my gift, so I didn't look it up until after I drank the wine. Yesterday I went back "on program" and behaved all day long, which is actually fun. I like knowing what I should choose and being in control of that choice. I also like that Progresso steak and potato soup is a core food, it's yummy and filling. I am trying to only eat Core food the remainder of the week since I am going to Disneyland this weekend and I want to eat trashy amusement park food and not go back to being a larger moose than I already am, so I'm hoarding my points for the weekend. Rainforest Cafe, here I come.

Day 8 The Moment of Truth

I lost 3 pounds. For real. Verified by the official Weight Watchers Lady and her magic scale.

I'm glad I didn't eat the birthday cake when I wanted a hunk instead of a bite. I'm glad I resisted the chocolate when the guys were munching it. I'm glad for every right choice I made all week so the lady at the scale could say "Yeah Tammy! You're down 3 pounds! Doesn't that feel great?" and - it did. Of course right now, I really want a big plate of waffles and sausage and maple syrup, but it's 10 AM PST and I haven't caved in yet. The journey continues, but with one small victory behind me. My next goal is to lose at least 2 more pounds next week so I can get the coveted 5 Pound Ribbon. That way I get a ribbon AND attention as everyone claps for you when you get the ribbon. I love ribbons. I love attention. That should motivate me for one more week.

Day 7

Well, tomorrow is the day. I will get up and go get weighed and see if I have officially lost weight. I weighed myself at home twice this week but am trying not to obsess. Last year I did the Atkins diet and got on the scale every morning as I lost weight every day, but the trouble with that diet is, even if you lost 80 pounds, as soon as you eat a potato or a piece of bread, you are instantly back at your old weight. Okay, that's a lie, but it feels that way to me.

My husband Jeff normally works at home, but had to drive to his office today and we only have one car. This means I can't leave my office for lunch today. I packed enough Core foods to make it across the Mojave Desert. I just wanted to be on the safe side, I mean if I got hungry and didn't have Core foods handy, we all know my fat face would be wolfing down leftover birthday cake.

Day 6

I am a moose. I went home after work Wednesday to change out of work clothes and into clothes to go to choir practice. I was looking for something fun and funky and yet every outfit I tried on made me look like a barnyard animal in a tarp. I concluded I may not be able to leave the house until April which is when I calculate I might be able to fit back into my cute clothes. Right now, I can only fit into Moose Coverings.

I made myself leave the house and went to sing. I figured singing and dancing a little would burn off some calories. Afterward, my friends came over to watch American Idol, part 2 and I got all healthy snacks - veggies and fat free dip which I made from fat free sour cream and fat free soup mix - Baked Dorito's tortilla chips and salsa, a sub sandwich from which I picked off most of my bread and just ate the insides (which makes it not a sub but just a big pile of turkey and lettuce) and a plethora of diet beverages. My friend Jill told me how happy she was that I got healthy things - but she's skinny so of course she'd say something like that. What I really wanted was Oreo's and milk, but ate carrots and dip so I could fit into my Non-Moose clothes again someday soon.

Thursday was the Monthly Birthday Potluck at my office. I made vegetable soup in my crock pot so I'd have something to eat. I ate two bowls of soup, some salad with about 5 drops of salad dressing, and one bite of birthday cake which my friend Vanessa assured me was only 1/2 of a point. Even if she is way off, that's what I am writing down.

Day 5

Last night was the big season premiere of American Idol and Jeff and I and our friend Dave settled in to watch. We got our friend Pastor Brad hooked in on speed dial for the festivities, too as we delight in calling him to mock bad singers. I made healthy veggie burritos on wheat tortillas with brown rice, fat free refried beans, and was so pleased with myself. However, I left the room for about 3 minutes and when I came back Jeff and David had found the bag of leftover Christmas chocolate that I thought I had hidden... There it was, on the footstool, all 8 pounds of it calling to me, and the two of them had a pile of empty wrappers and big smiles on their faces, and the aroma of chocolate filled my living room. I told them I didn't like them and went and got myself a bowl of pineapple chunks in their own juice and fat free cottage cheese. Tasty, but not chocolate.

Day 4.5

I love Jane who works in my office. She's a dear, dear lady. But as a diet aid, she sucks. Today she brought in Beef Log and Summer Sausage and a buffet table full of various cheeses and crackers. I love all that stuff. I could eat it all day. And, did eat it for days at the holidays which is why my pants are too tight. I bypassed the beef log and cheese and went home for lunch and actually ate a SALAD. That's right, you heard me. A salad. With lettuce and spinach and tomatoes. A salad.

Day 4

24 is an intense show. It makes me nervous. Last night, my husband fell asleep while it was on, and my friend David whom I normally call during 24 when it gets intense was watching the Golden Globes and taping 24. What was he thinking? Thus, left alone to worry about the fate of Jack Bauer, I decided a little snack would calm me down. I eyed the greasy bag of chips next to Jeff on the floor by the sofa, and instead actually walked my fat butt out to the garage pantry and got a jar of organic unsweetened applesauce and ate a bowl of that. It worked. I didn't have a nervous breakdown watching 24 and I didn't succumb to the lure of chips. Hooray for me.

This morning I had oatmeal with skim milk and a grapefruit. I got on my scale, just to check, and amazingly, it says I have lost 3 pounds. Can it be? Can 3.5 days of dieting actually produce a 3 pound weight loss? I dunno. Is my scale in tune with the scale at Weight Watchers? On Saturday, it was 1 pound different, so it really said I lost 4 pounds, but I am deducting 1 on that notion. I know I said earlier I couldn't do math, but I actually can add and subtract single digits.

Day 3

Watched more TV yesterday than people are supposed to watch in a week. I was lazy and tired and had a sore knee. Thankfully, my husband Jeff was also lazy and tired and sore after a day of paintballing with 14 year olds. Thus, we both enjoyed a day of relaxing in our jammies. (We were very sad though as they didn't say "Never leave a man behind!" on E-Ring this week. We wait for that, and they didn't give us the payoff.) I did eat while watching TV, but healthy stuff like a pear and fat free cottage cheese and such. Much better than my normal Ritz crackers, chocolate, tortilla chips and nacho cheese, etc. Turns out a pear is pretty tasty! Who knew?

Got up this morning and felt lighter and healthier already, although I know it's all in my head certainly I haven't lost any weight in 2 days. But I feel as if I have and that keeps me motivated. Ate puffed Kashi with blueberries and skim milk. Made a bunch of hard boiled eggs and took one with me to work and an apple and a banana so when my stomach starts growling at work LIKE RIGHT THIS MINUTE, I won't dive into the unhealthy array of treats that are constantly available in my office. Did have some Cinnamon Coffee mate in my coffee, but will go log in to the WW website and log it like a good girl. Making myself drink water even though I want to drink...anything else but water.

Read an article that fat chicks are less likely to get mammograms and pap smears, as they are so self conscious about their bodies they don't want the doctor to see them naked. Not me, man, I get my mammograms and make the doctors look at my rolls of fat! Pap smears are another issue altogether though. So, maybe they are right.

Day 2

I stayed up last night until after midnight reading the books, the 2 WW magazines I got, and signed up for their website where I read more. I had to choose between the plan where you have to track and tally points for everything you eat all day. Math has never been my strong suit, so I went with the Core plan where you can eat until you are full without tracking given that you only eat the stuff on the approved food list. I figure if I was able to do that with Atkins where I lost 80 pounds eating eggs and bacon, I should be able to do it with way more choices of food. You also get 35 points a week to eat stuff that isn’t on the Approved list.

Breakfast

2 Frozen Waffles – 3 points
1 cup fat free plain yogurt – 0
1 cup frozen berries – 0
Splenda – 0
6 almonds – 1

Lunch

3 Egg omelet w/some leftover chicken breast, and green pepper. – 0
1 slice Swiss Cheese - 1
Skim Milk – 0

5 points down. Must pace myself.

Now it’s 1:40 and I am thinking about what to eat next and when to eat it. I am obsessing over food – reading menus and recipes and clicking every link on the webpage looking for more yummy choices of things to stick in my mouth. It’s a sickness, and I realize I am thinking about food because it’s easier to decide if I should eat a pear or a banana than what to do with my life. Mom called and said she read a report that women that don’t get enough sleep can’t lose weight. Maybe I should go take a nap.

Day 1

I went to Weight Watchers, signed up, weighed in, stayed about 5 minutes for meeting and left. There were ladies there I knew from church and I had no make-up on and was in my sweats. Snuck out the back and went home and dropped my books on my kitchen table. I ate a banana and skim milk. In the 5 minutes I was at the meeting, I heard the leader say “Is losing weight FAST what it’s all about?” the other ladies all chanted “NO!” and I thought “What’s wrong with these crazy fat chicks.” Of course it’s about losing weight fast. I want to wake up tomorrow and fit into my skinny jeans. You mean that’s not possible? What am I doing here? I may have just blown 14 bucks.

Went to see a movie with my friend David, and then to lunch. At lunch I got a turkey burger on a wheat bun and iced tea. Good. I got the burger with cheddar cheese, Thousand Island dressing and mushrooms grilled in butter. Bad. And I ate two of his jalapeno poppers. Worse. So, 1 meal on the right track, 1 meal on the train back to LardAssVille.

I won’t even talk about dinner. It involved Rice-A-Roni, the San Francisco Treat which is probably on the bad list. I am spotting myself today; I haven’t read the books yet.